What is an incel? An anti-incel consensus would have you believe that an incel is a person, typically male, who only harbours hate, racism, misogyny, and paedophilic tendencies. However, these stereotypes are far from the truth and are constructed as a masquerade of a new type of intolerance. These may be familiar words, but only because they have been repeated due to such stereotypes and hateful agendas.
Let’s clear this up. There may be a few differences as to what people believe on this blog for example, but this is much more accurate than the status quo idea of “incels are just hateful, misogynistic, racist nazis.” If you consider an incel to be any of these stereotypes, you are simply not talking about incels, but rather about entirely different issues and entirely different people… Of which we already have terms for.
My take on an incel is simply this: A person, who despite their best efforts (and yes, effort should be made, otherwise it would not be involuntary) cannot obtain genuine, romantic and/or sexual relationships. Nothing more.
Many people like to claim that no effort needs to be made, conveniently ignoring all the accounts where effort is indeed made. It is also the case that when generic, useless advice is given and fails, such as “take a shower”, “have a haircut”, “just be yourself”, “be confident” and so on, people then resort to personal attacks of character without even knowing the person, the age old Ad Hominem. Mere assumptions are put forward, often because people don’t want their own ego to be shattered in lieu of their own advice.
Society in general actually does note that looks, neurotypicality, wealth, and power, etc, do make a difference. This isn’t new. It’s referenced and displayed in all forms of media spanning back generations. The “Ugly Duckling,” or Rudolph: Both old tales of the “weird looking” being who is an outcast. Ignoring those “ugly laws” that have existed throughout history, outcast members of a group have been observable in many species; not just humans, and to consider humans any different would be denying a basic tenet of animal behaviour. It’s only a problem when people like us – incels – who are negatively affected, mention it. (How dare we not learn our place?)
Does inceldom equal terrorist? Of course not. Most terrorists, misogynists, racists, paedophiles, or whatever stereotype one may want to label incels as exist in abundance as non-incels. I don’t see non-incels generalised the same way incels are however. It seems that any incel that doesn’t fit a stereotype is either ignored, or portrayed and assumed to be or seem such a way, whether it be through fabrication or ignorance.
A life circumstance does not make anyone any of the typical stereotypes that one may think of incels. If one chooses to believe it does, then it is addressing an entirely different issue, while using the underdog as an easy target, while letting the biggest perpetrators get away with it. To vilify incels because a vocal minority harbours hate is disingenuous. Tell me you’ve never harboured hate before… And show me that non-incels have never harboured much worse.
Most incels are just the guys we all know. The guys that people like, but just don’t quite cut it in terms of being viable. The age old “I wish I had a boyfriend ‘like’ you.” Incels aren’t new, incels of the past were just labelled as nerds, geeks, dorks, etc. The outcasts of society. Those that were given little in way of social acceptance. If one dislikes the existence of incels, the solution is not to hate them, as is the typical approach. But rather to show compassion. Not fake, but real compassion. Allow such people to be considered human.
Incels don’t choose inceldom. Nobody hates inceldom more than incels. To claim it is a choice, or that they want to be incel, is a massive oversight and an ignorant placement of blame which barely matches the actual reason one may join an incel community. However, most incels don’t join incel communities. For a society that likes to think that it has compassion, empathy, and understanding, society sure does have a hard time demonstrating it, unless it feeds the virtuous ego of the hateful individual… And if that last sentence offended you, perhaps it’s food for thought?